May My Kids Never Forget—Be Real

My sweet kids, I think you guys are wonderful.  I know I have this whole string of things I want you to remember.  I don’t want you to be overwhelmed, though. So, with full appreciation of the irony, here is another thing for you to know and never forget. Ready? Don’t bother about being perfect; just be absolutely real.

Your testimony matters, and some will use that as motivation to compel you to be as perfect as you can be and hide the flaws you can’t avoid.  There are lots of problems with this.  First, it isn’t honest.  And what good is something if it isn’t even true?  If you gotta lie to get in the club, the club aint worth it.

Second, it is exhausting!  Squirreling away your sins so people won’t reject God, keeping all the lies straight, watching your every tick and squeak, analyzing how others will interpret your words and actions… How could you even get out of bed in the morning?  Where is the freedom in that? Joy?  Devoured. 

Third, the focus is all wrong.  When you are working so hard to project the right image, what are you thinking about?  Yourself!  Why are you being perfect? To impress others with yourself so they will want to be like you.  Where is God in all that bustle?  And if you are so great, what do you even need God for in the first place?  It just makes no sense.  When we testify, we are not supposed to be giving evidence about ourselves.  We are giving evidence about what we witness.  It is impossible for us to witness much of anything if we are staring at our own reflections. 

So, eyes up, Children!  Look to God, look to needs of the world. Look for opportunities to share love and truth.

Remember what this is all about.  God made you on purpose with love to be in this family at this time in this place.  He doesn’t make mistakes and He doesn’t make trash.  You are fantastic!  You inherited a sinful nature and you choose to go your own way.  This separates you from God, Who is the source of life.  But Christ saw you at your worst and still considered you worth dying for.  May I repeat: God doesn’t make mistakes.  So if He saw you in sin and thought you were worth saving, who are you to argue?  You are great because he made you and thinks you are worthy.  Case closed.  Save yourself from making yourself crazy by chasing perfection.

Be you.  You are enough, especially when you stick close to the One Who made you.  Be flawed, quirky and silly.  Be ok with messing things up, honest about what you don’t know and willing to try new things.  Tell people about your weaknesses, temptations and even your major flubs.  Doing so takes the destructive power from them.  It shrinks them to their proper size, especially when you place them next to your Giant Father.

Don’t be afraid of sin or Satan.  God is more powerful and the battle is His.  Take a breath and use it to praise the Lord.  Smile and keep moving.  You are terrific!

May My Kids Never Forget—Fill yourself each day with the Word

This idea is cousin to praying first, last and always.  Life isn’t always easy, so make use of the equipment available to you when you can! 

There are two things that make reading the Bible each day so important.  The first is that the Word of God is the only living, breathing Bread of life.  It matters to every person every day for all of time.  Pray (first, last and always) while you read it and let it comfort you because of past hurts, meet you where you are in the moment and prepare you for what is to come.

The second is that this world can be a rough place.  There are a lot of things out there that can distract and deceive you.  Some of it is downright evil, aggressively and out-rightly bringing destruction. Other things may be evil, but more subtle in its attack; seductive temptation can destroy the complacent.  Other things aren’t evil at all.  They could even be good things distorted by obsession or distraction from what you are supposed to be doing.  With all these things that could draw us from God, arming yourself appropriately is just sensible.

The Bible is so very relevant, and is something you can assuredly stand upon.  Don’t take my word for it, or any other person’s.  Don’t only read books about the Bible, or sermons teaching on the Bible.  When Jesus died on the cross the curtain dividing the Holy of Holies from the people ripped.  We have direct access to God!  You can read the Bible and understand it; you can pray directly to the God of all creation! 

Christ died to allow for this.  He did it on purpose for that very reason—to reconcile us to God.  We no longer need priests and other go-betweens. We are adopted children, loved and accepted.

When you live out your day, you will meet with ideas and practices to which you will need to respond—in approval, in rejection or with apathy.  To respond rightly, you must know the Truth.  How will you unless you fill yourself with Truth as a regular diet?

Just like I said in the prayer post, reading your Bible each day is not a chore or something to feel guilty about when you miss.  Feel privileged.  Feel responsible.  Know what it cost for you to be able to read that book.  Know that it would be utter folly to walk out in the cold without the proper winter gear—and equally foolish to walk in this world without Truth coursing through your thoughts.

May My Kids Never Forget Part 4

I love the lesson for today.  I have preached this one since before precious kid number two was even born.  Son, remember we bought you Blue Baby, a lifelike baby doll, to help you practice being Big Brother?  You sure took those lessons to heart, because I know no other brother who is as wonderful to his little sister than you are.  And it made a difference, because I also know no other sister who loves her brother as much as you, my dear daughter.

And that leads me to the thing I want you to know and to never forget.  Be best friends with each other. 

Having friends is terrific.  Blessings.  You know how much I adore my own friends.  I see them all as gifts from God.  Some friends are purely circumstantial and are companions for what seems only a moment—a pal to see you through a brief lesson or period of grace.  Others stick around for a longer season—a college buddy or Mommy commiserate-er.  Some people you see frequently because schedules dictate it—for a few weeks to many years.  You get along famously, but a change in interests or availability suddenly vaporizes that friend so quickly that you may wonder if he was even real.  Then there are friends for life.  Some few people really do stick around through thick and thin.  Man, hold on to those treasures!

But siblings are in another category entirely.  No one will know you for as long as you two know each other.  No one else will have grown up with your mom, your dad, your traditions, your family culture.  No one.  You guys can be most real with one another.  You guys have the most practice forgiving one another.  You two know each other’s fears, pet peeves, favorites (and that the boy just despises being asked about favorites).  You know what you’ve overcome.  You don’t have to give any background information to each other; you just get to share!

That is a pretty cool thing.  Look after each other.  Make the effort to keep your relationship close.  Keep the slate clean. Even if you move across the world from one another, you live in an age of glorious technology; there are no excuses.  Keep in touch. 

Hold each other accountable.  Encourage each other.  Like each other.  Drop everything for each other.  Listen when you yell at each other.  Save each other from stupid choices.  Get together in the same room whenever possible. 

Don’t let anyone ever drive a wedge between you.  I promise whoever would cost you your sibling will drop you, too.  No other relationship is worth your sibling.

If you marry and have kids, take in the extra family.  Love your sib-in-law.  Show your love by preserving that marriage.  Listen to frustrations about marriage, and send each other right back to apologize, even if you think the in-law is wrong.  Be the best aunt and uncle ever. Be at the births. Celebrate the firsts, raise the cousins to love each other.

You two are so special.  I like you both and love how much you like each other.  Love the other friends.  Be great friends to those you meet.  But never underestimate the special thing you have going between the two of you.  Cultivate it and protect it.  Be best friends!

May My Kids Never Forget, Part 3

Here is another truth I want you to live out each day:  Pray first, last and always. First Thessalonians 5:16-18 in the New American Standard Bible says, “Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” If you haven’t yet, tuck these verses into your heart and mind to get you through your day.

For today’s post, I want to focus on verse 17.  “Pray without ceasing.”  “Never stop praying” is the New Living Translation.  I remember I used to think that this was just impossible.  So impossible that it wasn’t even supposed to be taken seriously.  I read, ‘Pray without ceasing,’ but I thought, ‘Pray when you remember to, and when there is nothing else you could be doing.’  I mean, really.  Who can actually pray without ceasing?

You know that song What a Friend We Have in Jesus?

The second verse laments:

Oh, what peace we often forfeit

Oh, what needless pain we bear

All because we do not carry

Everything to God in prayer

How true this is!  Remember what prayer is.  We get to talk with the Creator, Counselor, Abba, Friend personally!  Why on earth do we pass that up?  Paul’s instruction to pray unceasingly is not a rule that you have to feel guilty about breaking.  It is more like a friendly reminder to drink, eat and breathe!  It is for our own sakes that we need to pray.  Prayer is an astonishingly extravagant gift.  Don’t let it gather dust on a shelf.

At the beginning I told you to never forget to pray first, last and always.  Troubles come.  When they do, instead of doing everything in your power and keeping prayer in reserve when all else fails, pray first.  Before you take action, start making lists in your head, or let your blood pressure hit the roof, pray.  Tell God all about it.  Talk with Him about what is going on, what has you excited, what concerns you and even the stuff about which you are fully confident and don’t even ‘need’ Him for.  Then—now this is important—listen.  Be still.  Even if you are running as fast as your legs will move to the sound of ominous crashing, be still in your heart and listen.

And when it is all over, and you are only realizing now that you haven’t taken a normal breath in a day, week or month, pray.  Thank Him.  Go over it all again.  Learn from it.  Relive it in the safety of His arms.  Cry. Laugh.  Praise Him.  Find joy in the sorrow.  Ask Him to show you the redemption in it all.  Pray last.

During the trials, during the mundane, during the things that try to steal our minds from the truth of this life…Pray always.  Pray without ceasing.  It means acknowledging and welcoming His presence and care in your life.  It means Jesus isn’t just your ticket to Heaven, but your Lord and Friend here and now. 

I love you both so much.  Remember you aren’t alone.  Talk to the One Who is always with you.  Listen to His wisdom, experience His love, take His everlasting life into yourselves.

May My Kids Never Forget, Part 2

Today I want my kids to know and never forget to be kind.  Choose it.  Be kind on purpose.  Think about it.  Look for (until you find) opportunities for acts of kindness.  Go out of your way to be kind.  Inconvenience yourself.

There is a saying that says something like, ‘be kind, it costs you nothing.’  There is truth to that.  A smile, letting someone ahead of you in line, a compliment, being patient, wishing someone a good day (better yet, praying the Lord blesses that someone)… These things cost us little to nothing, but can make a tremendous difference in the days and lives of the people we see. If it costs you so little, why begrudge such gentleness to others when life is already hard enough?

Is that the full measure of kindness:  niceties that cost us nothing? I don’t think so.  There is more to this being kind thing.  Leaving it there misses something vitally important. 

The truth is, sometimes you do sacrifice to be kind.  In an episode of Grey’s Anatomy—I am not going to get into the morality of the show, or of watching it—Izzie is being kind to Alex when he really needs it, but certainly doesn’t deserve it.  In response to being asked why she would help she offers this:

This makes me laugh because sometimes being kind is hard.  Really hard.  And very right.  Izzie struggles with being kind in a kind way, but determines to be kind the best she can in spite of herself. 

I would modify the little saying in this way:  Being kind costs you nothing except maybe that which you need to lose. You may have to pay with your indignation to be kind to someone who you don’t want to forgive.  You may lose some pride when you are kind to someone who doesn’t receive it graciously. Your self-righteousness will take a hit when you show kindness to someone you thought was less worthy than you—and you discover how much you really have in common! Consider these instances double blessings!

You will certainly pay with your excess time and money if you are being kind as often as you can, especially when you are kind to strangers and to others who cannot pay you back.  You will likely even pay with your not-so-excess time and money if you are doing it right. 

When you lose these finite commodities of time and money, you will have to choose more carefully how you spend what you do have. You won’t be able to buy what you want when you have already spend some of what you had on kindness. You will need to evaluate what you can do without. This will free you from ever being owned by your possessions.    You will be blessed with a life that is made more simple, and more free to be kind!

So, my kids, be kind.  Plan on it.  Don’t let it happen on accident.  Budget for double the toll (or coffee) so you can pay for the car behind you. Take the time to look at the lady bagging your purchase and ask her how she is—then listen to her response.  Keep gallon Ziploc bags with toiletries and non perishable snacks in the car to hand out to homeless people you see.  Donate your clothes.  Over-tip whoever serves you, and look them in the eye when you thank them.  Smile.  Wave at pedestrians.  Be kind.

May My Kids Never Forget

I am hoping to write a series of posts to my kids.  There are a few things I want them to know and to never forget.  So why not write them down?  Here goes, in no particular order.

Today I want you to know and to never forget that I love you.  Man, do I love you!  I have dedicated your whole lives to loving you and have never once regretted any perceivable sacrifice to do so.  I am privileged to have been able to stay home with you since you were born.  I cherish the memories only God and I share of your early years.  Sick, scared, delighted, set-backs, triumphs… I got to be there. What a gift beyond measure it has been to love you in this way.

I can say that I regret only not loving you better sometimes.  I failed at times to be more patient, more joyful, more focused on you.  I am sorry for my failings—those I know about and especially those I do not.  I have always prayed that our Lord would fill the gaps I have created; I believe He will.  I pray you let Him, forgive me and live a life skipping for joy knowing this:

You

are

loved.

I love you for who you are, how you are, what you do, what you like.  You both are funny, intelligent, independent thinkers.  You both are quirky and see things in unexpected ways.  You both have stubborn streaks that you’ve learned to use to God’s glory.  You both have an unnatural sensitivity to the Holy Spirit that I hope you protect and grow.  You both try hard and care about doing things well.  You are geeky and like geeky things.  I like that about you.  You aren’t afraid to not like things.  You don’t follow the crowd just to follow the crowd.  You are easy to get along with, which is good; but you make up your own minds about things, which is better. 

Stay open and humble and quick to listen to others.  Remember to meet new things and ideas with, “I don’t know much about that; tell me more!”  Measure everything you hear to the Word of God and assimilate nothing that doesn’t agree. Never be haughty or cruel to the one who presented an idea you reject.

I also love you independently of all the cool things you are.  I love you only because I do.  You can’t change it.  You can’t earn it.  I just love you.  When you are a pill, harmfully stubborn, thoughtless and even when you embarrass or disappoint me, I love you.  You will make choices that will break my heart.  That never means I want to break relationship with you.  And it never means I stop loving you.

I love you fully.  That means that I will do for you, I feel affection for you, I champion you, I cheer for you. 

I want you to win.  But not as a bully.  Not dishonestly.  I want you to win in the real game.  The big picture.  Which probably means that in ‘real life,’ the everyday, you will lose often.  I want you to win over temptation.  I want you to win over evil by being good.  I want you to win as the kindest, the humblest, the most loving.  That means that others will make you look stupid, weak or a downright fool.  Don’t be deceived by such false appearances and don’t fret about others who are.  Walk in confident truth that frequently the ones who look like the winners simply aren’t.

I don’t want you to use your amazing selves—you are so smart, so creative, so capable—to best others.  I don’t want you to lord your achievements over the less able.  I want you to lift others up, even if it means passing on this world’s trophies.  Beat pride.  Vanquish jealousy.  Steal cruelty’s last breath.  Remember who the enemies are.

I want you happy.  More than that, I want you joyful.  I want you to choose right, even when it makes you feel sad.  I love you, so I want what is best for you.  As much as I want you happy, I love you too much to make that my life’s goal and pray that you never ever settle for such a fickle thing as happiness.  Happiness is only about getting things your own way.  Joy comes from embracing God’s way—which is always best.

You know these things.  Don’t forget them.  Don’t be fooled.  I love you.