Dual Citizenship

As Christians, we try to live with dual citizenship; we try to get along in this world and in the Kingdom. We know we aren't supposed to be of this world. We know we are sojourners, waiting for the things of this world to pass away. But how do we pull off being only visitors when we must be here so long, when we need to get schooling, housing, work? Honestly, I think we give up.

Even the church gave up. Churches today do not look like churches in the Bible. They are organized like businesses. Throughout time, we have modeled ourselves after organizations in the world. We adpoted their terminology, practices and pictures of authority.

Families gave up. There is an expectation for teens to rebel, even among Christians. The divorce rate among Christians equals that of non-believers. We've adopted the world's way of coming together; we date.

When we live with a foot in each world, it is a little silly to wonder why things aren't working out so well for us. At our adoption into the family of God, we renounce this world and all the things in it. We need to renounce its practices, as well. We need to have faith that God is what He says He is, means what He says He means.

We believe in theory that Christ as leader is good and right. We believe in theory that a child can come to Christ and not rebel. We believe, in theory, that two people can meet, stay pure, marry, and stay married.

But then the 'practical' side takes over. While Christ can lead, how can you really expect a number of people to come together and NOT have some organization, NOT have a leader. It doesn't make sense to do it otherwise. It would be chaos!

While God can bring two people together, and it is possible for them to not be alone, not exchange emotional or physical intimacies until their wedding day, it just isn't practical in this day and age. People need to 'test the waters.' Everyone dates. Girls go away to college, move out of the house and start careers. How can you actually court with the daughter living 3 hours away? We've just got to trust her to 'be good.'

While marriage lasting forever is ideal, sometimes it just isn't practical. People outgrow one another. Sometimes one grows and the other stagnates. What about abuse? There are many practical reasons to end a marriage.

But...

What if we gave up citizenship of this world entirely? What if we threw practicality to the wind and actually trusted God with more than just our lips? How about trusting Him to be the head of His Body? How about following Biblical instructions regarding the formation of marriage? That may give us the help we need to follow His will to maintain marriage throughout life!

We must remember His ways are not our ways--but that His ways are to bless us. The wisdom of this world is foolishness in Truth. We have the Holy Spirit in all His wisdom to lead us, bless us and protect us. What more do we need?

The legacy of Grandpa Stan

I said I have had lots to ponder in the days following my grandpa's passing. One of the things that struck me so resoundly at the memorial and lunch was the constancy of character that was my grandpa. He was Grandpa, Dad, Friend, Son, Brother, Husband, and whatnot. But within those roles, he never changed. Every person who shared about Stan said the same thing!

He loved games, stories--true and otherwise--jokes, hard work, and the Lord. He couldn't sing, but that didn't stop him from singing ever grand kid to sleep. He loved the outdoors and the honesty of a hard day's work.

Everyone attested to this. And it wasn't a forceful, willful thing. It just was. Grandpa just played games, with neighbors, siblings, church friends, sons, wife, grand kids. We all who knew him played a game with him.

We all who knew him heard stories. They were great stories, though the story was far more important than the facts. We all heard the same jokes over and over again. In fact there was a point where he just numbered his jokes and called out 'Number 7!' and we all knew the joke and laughed. We'd all gone on a hike with Grandpa, knew to pick a good walking stick. Grandpa took everyone he knew on fishing trips. Anyone who knew him could attest to the hard work he put into life. He didn't shy away from getting dirty and sore, or learning a new skill to get the job done.

And my grandpa loved the Lord. He read His Word every day. He went to church and loved the people there. He raised a family to know Him and serve Him. He cared in a way that could only be done with the Creator as the source.

He sang without being able to carry much of a tune, he cuddled fussy babies to sleep, he opened his home to everyone with the Spirit's hospitality.

I love the example this man has been for me. I love that he was who he was. Strangers got up to speak about him, and I knew exactly what they were saying, because I'd seen it with my own eyes.

I love that I am descended from love. I had almost forgotten, thinking I would need to reinvent the wheel and begin a line of love for my kids. But the memorial reminded me love has come before me. Grandpa is a great picture of God. Never changing, solid, doing the right thing day by day and letting it add up on its own to a legacy.

The sins of the father

Going to my grandpa's memorial has brought up so many feelings and so many topics on which to reflect. I was really content to not go because I am eager to avoid family drama, and what family lacks drama? There is a lot of pain surrounding the care and death of my grandpa. His sons blamed my step-grandma for not giving him proper care. But there was no inclusion of my step-grandma into the family. They've been married almost 20 years, but she was never fully welcomed. Because of that, I guess she never felt safe to admit needing help caring for Grandpa. She feared being removed from the picture--that they would take him away from her. She would have had to give him up as dead if she'd allowed the four sons in. Ultimately, that played out.

But this current pain and contention is only the most recent layer of suffering in this family. There are decades of deceit, selfishness and secrets among the brothers and their wives. This has trickled down to the next generation. In fact, I think it is the next generations--Grandpa's grand kids, the Cousins--who've borne the most pain, awkwardness and insecurity. We were never involved in divorce, business fallout, substance abuse or philandering. Our parents were up to their necks in it and used us to help them feel not alone, to hurt others, or just as sounding boards. As the grown-ups separated, they took the kids. We were pulled away from family, given limited perspectives about why we couldn't be with family and we filled in the gaps with our small, still-maturing minds.

The results are pretty disastrous. We are a generations of individuals who struggle with insecurity, not having a place to belong, grudges all our own plus those we've adopted from the stories we've heard. We have abandonment issues, Daddy issues, attachment issues, commitment issues... We think ourselves less than, or at least we think 'they' think we are less than. Let's face it. In the family world, we are all a little off center.

If only we can leave the past behind, leave the parents to themselves, to work out their own issues. We can just remember our games in the basement, before all the troubles reached us. We can allow that we all grew up hearing who knows what, but that it doesn't matter. We are the Cousins. A new generation with memories of Grandpa and surrender to the Lord can raise us above the muck. We can start again.

Coming Together

Yesterday was our 13th anniversary. We had a nice lazy day after the travel and visiting with family. I read a book called Breathe that I really enjoyed. Then a dear family friend watched the kids so Brian and I could go out to eat and come home to watch Netflix. Very nice time.

We started--without any commitment beyond today--to read the Bible as a family and pray before bed. Last night we read Genesis 2. My girlhad great questions about how man was formed. I read the notes in the Life Application Bible about marriage corresponding to the end of the chapter. It spoke of the oneness, lack of shame and completion we can find in marriage. I liked also a note about making Eve from Adam, rather than dust, to further signify that we are truly one.

The timing was perfect--as God's timing is--with our anniversary and the book I'd just finished. I have been thinking about the formation of marriage quite a bit lately. In the book Breathe, the setting is 1883 Colorado and we get to read about a couple who come together in marriage. I was considering the short amount of time it took for them to marry, and yet the assurance both had that it was good and right.

I think it is interesting today how we have so many options in life--education, careers, and travel open the doors wide to our futures. With so many choices, and so much to explore, and the time it takes to do so, there is not a need to couple up so quickly. There is also an attitude about these things: if it doesn't work, change it. There are always other options. Leave, seek something better. There was a time that people stuck with a company for their entire careers. That is a far less common phenomenon nowadays.

Sadly, I think this attitude has been adopted for our view of coupling. People date extensively, move in together, do everything but exchange vows, but then move on when things get tough. That is not to say that once the vows are exchanged, a commitment exists. There is still a sense that if things don't work out, we can just move on.

I suppose the improvements made in the health industry and the resulting lengthening of our life also play a factor to our lives without commitment. There is no sense of urgency to get married and start a family these days. Ladies can reasonably put off having their first babies to an age double that of generations past. No hurry.

I don't necessarily think that is a bad thing. But I think it is just a factor in the decline of healthy, loving, Biblical marriages. With so much distraction, so little call for commitment, it is hard to stick out the hard times or to see your marriage mate as a lifetime partner. I want to teach my children that the options and advantages available today doesn't preclude God's design for us to come together as He ordains for our entire lives.

Home from the memorial

We had decided it was just not financially feasible (or wise) to go to my grandpa's memorial when we discovered just how much we owe in taxes this year. Even so, in what felt like a whirlwind, which was actually just a big ol' snow storm, we changed plans and hauled out.

What is normally a 3 hour drive to my sister's turned into at least a 7 hour drive-plus-mountainview-parking as we worked to get over Donner's Pass. The next morning we made the final three or four hours to my hometown where the memorial was held. We missed a couple of functions, including the grave site service, but we made the memorial and lunch.

On the mountain, we had an uncle stranded ahead of us who was freed by a tow truck and my dad and step-mom behind us. He cut off the freeway and took surface streets to pass us. We sat on the road among semi's, big pick-ups with snow tires, and completely untried motorists who couldn't just sit, but insisted on spinning and sliding in the snow. By the time we could start driving again, there was no semblance of lanes or order of any kind.

I was so proud of all the kids--the two legged ones and the four legged one. Sitting for an hour isn't easy for me, a supposed mature woman. They made the trip with awesome attitudes.

The memorial was really beautiful. All four kids of the second son spoke or sang. My older sis presented a slide show. Three sons spoke. One couldn't bring himself to do so. Afterwards, at the lunch, we got some fun photos of family, got to catch up with several cousins I haven't seen in a decade or so and the next generation got acquainted running around the room together.

Round Table Discussion--and ladies

Last night was KidsROCK's Round Table Discussion. We used to do these, and they died out for lack of interest. Now, we have lots of interest and I love it! We reinstated the meeting in January and it was so enjoyable. As people were leaving, they were asking for the next meeting date.

So, we met again last night, Mar 1. Already people are asking for the next one. One lady couldn't make it for a friend's emergency, and she was hoping there was another planned as solace. Another lady has already offered her home for the next meeting. The enthusiasm is a wonderful gift and serves as a fair litmus test for our calendar planning.

Something that struck me as funny was the extreme difference between last night and the January meeting. the first meeting had several husbands present. I think dads are pivotal to successful homeschooling. It is a soap box of mine and I try to remember to not step on any toes when I talk about it.

Dads can give an air of waiting for us to fail, or can come in as reinforcements when things get rough. They can question everything mom does from chores to scheduling to academics. Or they can check in, but with an air of trust and respect--which can be a real gift when mom may not be feeling so confident. Depending on how dad approaches homeschooling, the home can be a haven of stability and support or embody the air of a cold war.

With that in mind, I really like the dads at meetings like this. I think they get a chance to hear from other families that the struggles and fears are normal and worth pushing through. I think those who are fully convicted that homeschooling is best for the kids and the family can really be a source of encouragement to other dads who aren't so sure this is a totally sane venture. And on top of all that, homeschooling and KidsROCK are both family ventures, so having the head of the family there just makes sense.

Last night, however, was an all-lady event. We talked babies, birth, periods, and cute kid stories just as much as we talked homeschooling. I gave so much more latitude at this meeting about our topics and focus. We were really all over the place, even when I posed a question for discussion, we were on rabbit trails before the end of the first sentence. I was mindful of the differences as we moved through evening, and I was OK with it.

We ladies need to just talk sometimes. We need to share frustrations and fears, plus hopes and silly stories in a safe place. Those intimacies grow friendships more than all the 'shop-talk' in the world. And if those friendships do develop, there is an established source for any homeschool questions arrive in the future. I feel like we just expanded the time frame of the Q&A to everyday access. I like that.

But I still like those men!

Break Time

we are enjoying the break from school right now. I am eager to get back to routine, but for the first time, wondering how we will maintain some of the aspects we've developed over this break. Usually, not much in the way of productivity happens on breaks. Screens, screens, screens and fighting is our normal fare.

But this time, the kids have played lots of board games, and I am trying (with white knuckles) to be faithful to an exercise routine. I wonder how to be good about fitting in these things when we get back to schooling. It is important to me to work them in as natural parts of the day we won't do without.

I am looking forward to summer. That is such a funny thing for me to write! I can't really stand the heat, but I am anticipating the longer days, earlier sunrises and getting more done without having to wake up before the sun. Last summer was really great for us. I pray we have another blessed season--maybe I will change my mind about my least favorite time of year!