My girl calls it 'crumbly'

That is how I am feeling. I am overwhelmed and feel disjointed or disconnected. I don't feel like I am communicating well and things are coming out wrong. I feel like I have been putting out fire after fire, surviving, rather than living. It is catching up with me. I hate feeling this way.

How do I feel?

So, Max was playing a game on my computer the other night. It was getting late and I told him he'd had enough time on the computer, it was time to get off. He was a good boy, and got off without complaining. But then he ran into Brian in Max's bedroom to let him know he couldn't play anymore. What? Brian was playing with his brother, Jeff. I hadn't known MAX was playing with the two of them!! I reversed my decision and Max had to hustle to get back on and catch up with the guys.

Brian has played computer games with his brother about once a week for our whole marriage. I always am thankful that Brian's hobby keeps him close to home. Max of course loves computers, too, able to log on and start disk games before he was 2 (during midwife appointments). And Brian has played games with both kids before. But this felt momentous. Max was playing with Brian AND Jeff. Jeff is not a kid person. That Max was good enough to keep up with them felt...well, that is just it. I don't know how I feel.

First I feel silly making a big deal out of obsessive computer gaming. LOL Second, I feel that it is really cool and some post-modern rite of passage into manhood for Max to join in--even in the fact that Max felt like a tag along. Third, I feel a little sad about the whole thing. LOL

My baby is growing up to be a full-fledged geek!

Some changes need to happen

We just found out that we are losing the $120 a month we get for being in a rural health care area plus we will have a 10% tax on us now. Sneaky way to cut our pay ten percent without furloughs or a straightforward pay cut. They are certainly creative about getting around the law.

That is another several hundred dollars. I need to get a job, or we need to move out of this place and get into a rental. But I looked at some rentals and they all prohibit pets! Wow! It has been 8 years since we rented, and I hadn't thought about Bailey being a problem.

Lord, please provide for us!

Conflict makes me sick!

Our Field Day was a decided hit! Everyone showed up, a couple of extras did, too! No injuries, no crying. everyone worked hard and played hard. Lots of complements came through on the email and that is very nice.

But just as we were about to begin welcoming families a big school group showed up. Turns out is was Head Start. The leader is named Linda and she had been incredibly rude to me in May when I called for advice regarding how many fliers to print. She told me no one would come to our booth, that the Fair is about kids so I shouldn't try promoting myself. Anyway, she was in fine form yesterday. She showed up with her body and face taught, ready to fight. She called Parks and Recreation because we wouldn't leave. We told her we made reservations.

It got ugly. Their kids tore up our obstacle courses, One dad from the other group started yelling at me, so another dad from our group stood up for me. Such a mess. I was shaking like a leaf!!!

Things smoothed out after the leader left the area--the group was using the park, horse corral, and the Pizza Factory. The other parents were polite and we coexisted peacefully enough.

I just heard that poor Carla was last to leave and her battery died!!! So, with 6 kids, including a 5 month old, walked to the Pizza Factory to call her husband for help. Ugh! What a day. Good, but really trying.

Field Day

I am getting ready for our first annual homeschool field day! It looks like we could have just about 70 or 80 people there!! And we thought it would be more like 50, but at the last minute a whole bunch of registrations (of large families) came through. Carla is working super hard and I am praying that she doesn't burn out.

The cool thing about this is that just in May, we did the Children's Fair. At that event, Carla and I had to depend on our out of town sisters to help us with preparation and execution of the event. This time around, however, Carla sent out a food list and it was covered in ONE DAY!!! I know Carla may not feel it, because I played lead at the Children's Fair and she is playing lead with this, so her work load is massive. She may not be able to see what a huge change has happened in our group. And I may see it as larger than it is, going from lead to not, so my load is significantly less.

Either way, I am praising the Lord for the change, whatever the size. I am so happy we have members investing in KidsROCK.

I pray that today is a success. I know that with 50 kids we will have poor sportsmanship, owies, hunger, and general crying. But I pray that the adults stay calm, peaceful and positive. I pray that the strangers will see a community based in Christ. I pray that everyone goes home feeling terrific and tells SOMEONE that KidsROCK is a good thing.

I also found out something about a family. Something that others could use to be mean and judgemental. I pray, pray, pray that our members will rise up and shine Christ instead. That the temptation to judge and to rest in pride will be resisted every time. I pray that this family is blessed and astonished by the grace present in KR.

I pray everyone stays healthy!! We have some babies and pregnant mommies. Some are very afraid of germs in general, and the swine flu looms large for them. I pray that they are kept at peace.

Amen!!

I SAW THEM!!!!!

We tried to catch some more of the meteorites the night before last (we watched last night, too, but only saw three or four). We some some wonderful, spectacular things!!! We quoted Bible verses and prayed together in wonder of how very cool God's fireworks are. We got in some science, too, talking about why they all streaked in the same direction.

See the Stars?

So it is meteor shower time. I haven't ever taken my kids out to to see it. It is always late--of course--and ...I don't know. I just haven't.

Well last night we gave it a try. KidsROCK has had lots of chatter about it, so it seemed a good time. And we are doing Astronomy for school!

But we got out with a blanket on the trampoline and were laying back, looking at the sky, and it happened! I remembered!! I hadn't even remembered I had forgotten, but it all came flooding back as I strained to 'see what I could see.'

I was seven again. Everyone would shout with excitement, 'see it??' What? Where? I don't see it!

IT was meteors. IT was stars. IT was mountain ranges. IT was horses, cows, trees, the car in front of us. *sigh* I couldn't see IT.

So, here I am, cuddled under a blanket with a kid snuggled under each arm--with a dog straying in and out of us with random licks and ear snuffing--and realizing that these poor darling trusting children are so sweetly unsuspecting that they have been saddled with the worst person ever to get anywhere in this bold endeavor. (It takes a great pity-partier, to do it on behalf of others!)

I don't know if we saw anything. I thought I did. But the harder I looked, the less I saw. Stars faded from sight as I stared. Is that a star? Is it a planet? I never got that planets were colors. I mean, I understand their atmospheres reflect back colors, and with special equipment you can see it, but with the naked eye, I just don't see color from so far away!

I marvel at the other person's human eye! I marvel at the wonders of the heavens--from my couch, looking at beautiful pictures in books. :(