Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Blech!
I am feeling cruddy! I spent the day in bed yesterday. Happily floating on prayers and day dreams. Not sleepy, not sleeping, not reading, not much of anything... I am not sure I have ever done that before--or at least not for as long as I pulled it off yesterday!! I got up at eight, handled KidsROCK business for two hours--a limit I set for myself, pat on the back!!
Then I went to bed. I brought a book, read a page, and felt like I would prefer spending time with the Lord directly. SO I prayed. About everyone, everything. Just chatted. Then implored. Then rested quietly in His Holy Presence.
Then I day-dreamed. That is so stinking fun! And inspiring. I guess I needed a little inspiration, too. A reason to keep trudging. Daydreaming helps me rise above details and frustrations to see the bigger picture and my original goals or motivations; it keeps me going, reminding me why I am even bothering with details and frustrations. :)
When I would get up, I would be cold. Or my stomach would ache. Or something less definable would pull me back to bed. Then I would be fine. Ecstatically fine.
Today, sadly, I am feeling the same way. Slow and achy and uninspired. But only one day of self indulgence is really affordable. Brian is back to work, and will be home early. We must school. My dad is coming this afternoon--I did stay up late last night to sweep, laundry, kitchen, dishes, etc. I need to get the fire lit.
Lord, thank you for giving me a day to rest on the Rock of my salvation. Thank you for being my strong tower, the Great Physician--the original holistic Healer. Please restore in my body and spirit inspiration and strength for life so that I may pour into my kids and home your all-infusing love.
Amen!
Then I went to bed. I brought a book, read a page, and felt like I would prefer spending time with the Lord directly. SO I prayed. About everyone, everything. Just chatted. Then implored. Then rested quietly in His Holy Presence.
Then I day-dreamed. That is so stinking fun! And inspiring. I guess I needed a little inspiration, too. A reason to keep trudging. Daydreaming helps me rise above details and frustrations to see the bigger picture and my original goals or motivations; it keeps me going, reminding me why I am even bothering with details and frustrations. :)
When I would get up, I would be cold. Or my stomach would ache. Or something less definable would pull me back to bed. Then I would be fine. Ecstatically fine.
Today, sadly, I am feeling the same way. Slow and achy and uninspired. But only one day of self indulgence is really affordable. Brian is back to work, and will be home early. We must school. My dad is coming this afternoon--I did stay up late last night to sweep, laundry, kitchen, dishes, etc. I need to get the fire lit.
Lord, thank you for giving me a day to rest on the Rock of my salvation. Thank you for being my strong tower, the Great Physician--the original holistic Healer. Please restore in my body and spirit inspiration and strength for life so that I may pour into my kids and home your all-infusing love.
Amen!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Family
Family is so important to me. My extended family is, well...extended. I don't get to see them often. I actually have to introduce my kids on the rare occasions we see my mom. So, we aren't setting up a habit or frame of reference for my kids to maintain a relationship with each other or us when they are grown.
But that is exactly what I want. I want to be close. I want to be a part of their church. I want them to be close friends with the other's spouse, babysit for one another's kids, go to each other for help. And I want to be present in their lives.
How do we do this? Where does the American dream and mentality begin? The one that gets people to pursue their own dreams and ambitions over staying close-knit with their families. In school? At college? With the job? I can't count how many times I have heard people say that the family you grow up with is just for that short time at the beginning of life, but the REAL family is the one you choose--at work, from neighbors or school.
I don't actually know where that idea takes root. But if it is college, I want them close! I have a 10 year old and an 8 year old and I already have empty nest syndrome!!
But that is exactly what I want. I want to be close. I want to be a part of their church. I want them to be close friends with the other's spouse, babysit for one another's kids, go to each other for help. And I want to be present in their lives.
How do we do this? Where does the American dream and mentality begin? The one that gets people to pursue their own dreams and ambitions over staying close-knit with their families. In school? At college? With the job? I can't count how many times I have heard people say that the family you grow up with is just for that short time at the beginning of life, but the REAL family is the one you choose--at work, from neighbors or school.
I don't actually know where that idea takes root. But if it is college, I want them close! I have a 10 year old and an 8 year old and I already have empty nest syndrome!!
The end is near! Then another beginning right after that!
We now officially have four weeks left to this school year. We are also working on our very first fair--the History Faire 2010! Very exciting, with lots of new things to learn.
It will be on Feb 15. Max is doing a presentation that includes a puppet show on Gladys Aylward. She is a truly inspiring woman. Of all the lessons we can learn from her life, I pray my kids understand that the thing that makes her special is her willing obedience.
Madi is working on a presentation about Nadia Comanicci. Talk about an inspiration! She is tumbling all over the house, practicing her entrance.
It will be on Feb 15. Max is doing a presentation that includes a puppet show on Gladys Aylward. She is a truly inspiring woman. Of all the lessons we can learn from her life, I pray my kids understand that the thing that makes her special is her willing obedience.
Madi is working on a presentation about Nadia Comanicci. Talk about an inspiration! She is tumbling all over the house, practicing her entrance.
Monday, January 25, 2010
AoI, a contrast
In the Arms of Immortals is a book by Ginger Garrett.
I wrote before about the character, Panthea, who cannot accept herself as she is, wanting more, not from greed, but from a fear born from self-loathing.
In contrast to that character is Gio. She is a woman who got caught in politics and power bigger than her. She sacrificed her reputation for love and purity--but in doing so, lost everything. She lives as a marginalized woman, serving the poor and healing the sick who, for whatever reason, could not go to the church for it. She has found a delicate peace to her life.
On page 46:
She stretched her feet out near the fire and wiggled her dirty toes. They looked like roots, gnarled and clinging to dirt after so many travels up and down the mountain. She did not mind. She was almost thirty, but there was no one to admire her beauty or mention the lack of it. She felt her big stomach pressing up against her breasts. It, too, had lost its maiden shape, but she liked its warmth, like the feeling of being rounded and soft, of taking up space in this world. She felt undeniable. She knew people saw her. They had to step out of the way to make room for her to pass.
It continues this way for another paragraph ending talking about her thighs: "They were marvelous."
Talk about accepting yourself!! In the end, this woman finds love as love is. It takes us as we are. But then, love, by its very nature, improves all it touches. She finds a peace that is less delicate that comes from transforming love. But she would never have been able to accept that in the first place if she couldn't first accept herself, just as she was.
May we all learn to surrender our pride with abandon for the gift of love and redemption.
I wrote before about the character, Panthea, who cannot accept herself as she is, wanting more, not from greed, but from a fear born from self-loathing.
In contrast to that character is Gio. She is a woman who got caught in politics and power bigger than her. She sacrificed her reputation for love and purity--but in doing so, lost everything. She lives as a marginalized woman, serving the poor and healing the sick who, for whatever reason, could not go to the church for it. She has found a delicate peace to her life.
On page 46:
She stretched her feet out near the fire and wiggled her dirty toes. They looked like roots, gnarled and clinging to dirt after so many travels up and down the mountain. She did not mind. She was almost thirty, but there was no one to admire her beauty or mention the lack of it. She felt her big stomach pressing up against her breasts. It, too, had lost its maiden shape, but she liked its warmth, like the feeling of being rounded and soft, of taking up space in this world. She felt undeniable. She knew people saw her. They had to step out of the way to make room for her to pass.
It continues this way for another paragraph ending talking about her thighs: "They were marvelous."
Talk about accepting yourself!! In the end, this woman finds love as love is. It takes us as we are. But then, love, by its very nature, improves all it touches. She finds a peace that is less delicate that comes from transforming love. But she would never have been able to accept that in the first place if she couldn't first accept herself, just as she was.
May we all learn to surrender our pride with abandon for the gift of love and redemption.
AoI Why do we resist His love?
this is another thought provoked by the book In the Arms of Immortals by Ginger Garrett.
On page 76 there is a conversation between two characters. The woman is privileged and daughter to the lord of the land. She is betrothed to the man with whom she is speaking in this scene. The book opened with her desperately trying to find a way out of this marriage. The reader isn't given a reason why, but the stereotype of a girl being thrust by her father into a life that legally binds her to some brute who benefits her daddy comes to mind.
Ms Garrett spends the rest of the novel visiting this character, painting a beautifully poignant character gripped by pride. We discover the reason she doesn't want to marry this tender and loyal man because she cannot come to terms with the fact that he is a man and she is a woman. She doesn't want to be rescued. She doesn't was a hero. She wants to run it all, have the power, the wealth, the fear of her underlings...
In this scene, however, the betrothal has not yet been finalized. A visitor has come to town. He is dark and mysterious and has won an invitation by her father to the banquet. He intrigues her, tempts her to something impure. She follows him out to the garden, and the man to whom she will be betrothed tries to stop her.
He tells her that she is mindlessly following a man she doesn't know who serves an unknown master. She accuses him of being jealous. His response:
"Do you know why you won't admit you love me? he asked. "Because I know you, Panthea. I knew you when you were a girl and I was just entering your father's service, barely more than a child myself. I knew you then. I know you still. I know you as no other man ever could, and you gate me for it....You hate me because you hate who you are. You want a man to make you forget yourself....You always want more, Panthea, more than any man can give, but you are not greedy--you are frightened, frightened that, alone, you are not enough.....You are enough, Panthea. You are enough for this man."
I see this as a message from God to each of us. To be so sure that we aren't enough, and to refuse that it is OK to not be enough is to be stuck in damnation. God knows we aren't enough--and we do, as well. God is OK with that. He is there to make up our loss and to love us as we are. The real point of turning comes when we decide to relinquish our half-selves to him. When we can allow our flawed selves to be loved, we find salvation.
As I said, Panthea's story is tragic. She can never see herself as enough and cannot bring herself to rely on anyone to love her or redeem her. She sins, as do we all. But she chooses the mire of sin rather than let go of her treasured pride.
This particular part of the story had me put my book down and pull my kids close. I told them to never think they are beyond salvation. I told them that they will be tempted and they will do sinful things that shame them horribly. I wanted them to know that no matter what, they are never outside his grace. Their bad could never be bigger than His good. Amen and Praise Him!!
On page 76 there is a conversation between two characters. The woman is privileged and daughter to the lord of the land. She is betrothed to the man with whom she is speaking in this scene. The book opened with her desperately trying to find a way out of this marriage. The reader isn't given a reason why, but the stereotype of a girl being thrust by her father into a life that legally binds her to some brute who benefits her daddy comes to mind.
Ms Garrett spends the rest of the novel visiting this character, painting a beautifully poignant character gripped by pride. We discover the reason she doesn't want to marry this tender and loyal man because she cannot come to terms with the fact that he is a man and she is a woman. She doesn't want to be rescued. She doesn't was a hero. She wants to run it all, have the power, the wealth, the fear of her underlings...
In this scene, however, the betrothal has not yet been finalized. A visitor has come to town. He is dark and mysterious and has won an invitation by her father to the banquet. He intrigues her, tempts her to something impure. She follows him out to the garden, and the man to whom she will be betrothed tries to stop her.
He tells her that she is mindlessly following a man she doesn't know who serves an unknown master. She accuses him of being jealous. His response:
"Do you know why you won't admit you love me? he asked. "Because I know you, Panthea. I knew you when you were a girl and I was just entering your father's service, barely more than a child myself. I knew you then. I know you still. I know you as no other man ever could, and you gate me for it....You hate me because you hate who you are. You want a man to make you forget yourself....You always want more, Panthea, more than any man can give, but you are not greedy--you are frightened, frightened that, alone, you are not enough.....You are enough, Panthea. You are enough for this man."
I see this as a message from God to each of us. To be so sure that we aren't enough, and to refuse that it is OK to not be enough is to be stuck in damnation. God knows we aren't enough--and we do, as well. God is OK with that. He is there to make up our loss and to love us as we are. The real point of turning comes when we decide to relinquish our half-selves to him. When we can allow our flawed selves to be loved, we find salvation.
As I said, Panthea's story is tragic. She can never see herself as enough and cannot bring herself to rely on anyone to love her or redeem her. She sins, as do we all. But she chooses the mire of sin rather than let go of her treasured pride.
This particular part of the story had me put my book down and pull my kids close. I told them to never think they are beyond salvation. I told them that they will be tempted and they will do sinful things that shame them horribly. I wanted them to know that no matter what, they are never outside his grace. Their bad could never be bigger than His good. Amen and Praise Him!!
Big, Fat Snowflakes
I am looking out my window and chatting with my sis about the beautiful honkin' snowflakes coming down. I just love it. I told Diane about it and she asked what makes them fat. I guessed a higher water content.
She looked it up and found that it is temp and water content. She read more and more about it and it was neat hearing about the nature of snow and snowflakes.
One of the things that made me laugh was that it discussed snowflake counts. Some snow storms have more snowflakes than others. When the temperature is cold, the flakes a smaller and there are more of them. When it is warmer, there is more water and the water in the flakes attract each other and bind into larger flakes. So, some storms have more flakes than others.
The question I have is who is counting flakes?? LOL I thought that was so funny. We measure inches, but I haven't ever thought about measuring by the number of actual flakes that fall. He he... So funny to me. 'It snowed all day, but we didn't get a lot of flakes.' What?
She looked it up and found that it is temp and water content. She read more and more about it and it was neat hearing about the nature of snow and snowflakes.
One of the things that made me laugh was that it discussed snowflake counts. Some snow storms have more snowflakes than others. When the temperature is cold, the flakes a smaller and there are more of them. When it is warmer, there is more water and the water in the flakes attract each other and bind into larger flakes. So, some storms have more flakes than others.
The question I have is who is counting flakes?? LOL I thought that was so funny. We measure inches, but I haven't ever thought about measuring by the number of actual flakes that fall. He he... So funny to me. 'It snowed all day, but we didn't get a lot of flakes.' What?
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