He breathes in me

Ok, this is my last post on tongues—for now.

Obviously, this has been on my heart.  I have been poring over my Bible and praying in fervency, and for both of these I am eternally grateful.  How I love a challenge that causes my feet to sift down past the sand to the solid rock!

I have submitted, prayed and outright begged my Lord to give me the gift of tongues.  He has not seen fit to do that for me.  I used to believe the teaching that this was somehow a result of my failing.  And I accepting that I had not yet been baptized in the Holy Spirit.

I reject this teaching now.  I do not reject the possibility that I may one day be gifted with tongues.  But I accept with humility that I am not for now and that it has no bearing on my closeness with the Holy Spirit. 

I have been baptized in the Holy Spirit.  I have been washed over and through by His healing and empowering Self.  I have been given words to pray when I had none, but they were in English.  I have been filled to overflowing with his love and blessings.  No one can cause me to believe differently.  These are now simple facts.

And yet, in my frail human form, I do question.  I wonder.  Maybe I haven’t striven enough to speak in tongues.  Maybe I am fearful?  Listen to me.  I can’t even write that as a statement.  I just don’t believe it.

I prayed tonight before writing this once again that He grant me this coveted gift—isn’t that a loaded phrase for us who should fly from covetousness, even of gifts from His Spirit.  I prayed, I was still, I listened. 

And you know what happened?  Without even realizing it at first, I felt and saw the wave hit the beach.  It came again, sweeping me into its motion and carrying me far from the shore.  I went under the water and found I could breathe and see in vibrant color.  I was light and lithe and I danced.  I came to the surface for a water-spraying leap and dove ever deeper to the wondrous depths.

It all happened so quickly, so naturally.  I took a breath and leaned back in my chair.  I opened my eyes and sighed out all my air.  I was at peace.  How could I have forgotten?  He gives me visions.  That is how He speaks to me.  He has always giving me visions.  I praise Him!

Long ago I had the vision/analogy that God was an ocean.  Our spiritual lives mirror the physical encounters we have with large bodies of water.  I will post that vision here tomorrow.  I feel that tonight the Lord reminded me of that vision and of the depths of Him that He will allow me to reach.