As I was praying tonight, I struck on the idea of waiting, and it occurred to me that waiting seems to be my personal 2011 theme. I have been waiting for one thing or another (or twelve) all year long. I am not generally a very good waiter. But I am in awe that the Lord has abided with me so closely this year in a way that has sustained me through all the waiting.
It seems that almost every aspect of our lives has shifted, been put on hold or ended altogether. Waiting to see the results and what comes next is what I do these days.
I never forget this stressors-indicator test I studied in high school for a class through church. It had a list of life changes: job change, residence change, new marriage, ended marriage, death of someone close, illness, new baby, etc. You get the idea. Basically big changes are stressful, even if they are also blessings. Humans, as a generalization, don’t adjust to changes very well, so when there are several major changes in a 12 month period, the stress from dealing with them begins to seep into all aspects of life.
I can’t check every box of the stressors test, but I have quite a few. And I can see how my fuse is shorter, resulting in my either crying, sulking or yelling far too easily. Little things seem more difficult to handle than the big things.
And so I wait. I wait for God’s timing and God’s will and God’s molding of me. I want to be better. I want to serve. I want people to see me and know I am in love with Jesus. I am not there yet. I am so flawed. I get overwhelmed by how much further I have to go. But then I breathe and remember that His grace is sufficient for today. And I wait for tomorrow.