Sunday, July 17, 2011

Bad Dream

I had a very bad dream last night.  I caused an accident in a tunnel.  While very real during the dream, awake I see that some details were unclear.  Sometimes the accident was with cars, other times bicycles.  It also wasn’t clear if anyone actually died.  Unchanged was that it was me at fault and I was trying to move on, but no one else was willing to forgive me. 

Next was some occasion for a gathering of people, akin to picking teams for sports in elementary school, and I was left unchosen.  One guy was at least not unfriendly, while all the ladies wouldn’t even stand in my vicinity.  I couldn’t figure out why people were acting as they were, and so innocent in my mind that I assumed I had just been gone a while and would have to do a little work to reconnect after the absence.  I was told by the one in charge that I may need to consider the lasting impact of the accident I caused.  I was shocked.  In my mind, that was ancient history.  I couldn’t believe that was still a problem with anyone—much less everyone!

On the way home we drove through the tunnel.  I had no actual memory of the accident.  So while in the tunnel, I tried to imagine what had happened based on accounts from others.  I felt badly that this was still fresh in the minds of others, while it only existed in my mind as a vague concept.  I didn’t know what to do.  I could see I caused harm.  I realized I would never be accepted again by anyone who knew about the accident.  I knew I needed to leave everything I had ever known and live somewhere else as a stranger.

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