The end of vacation

Hi, all!  My darling husband has been off of work this whole week (remember, Tuesdays are our Saturdays).  He came home from being with his brother for a week last Monday. He’d just gotten home and we were decompressing when I remembered the kids had music class and we had young marrieds meeting like, right now!  So we rushed off and enjoyed our time with friends—and a free dinner!

Tuesday I got to sleep in while Brian took Madi to dance and then I got to teach a blast of a class on Storytelling.  Max was The Man because he videotaped and narrated two movies that the girlies made.  I do love to teach.  This little Frontier Group is my only current outlet for sharing with a brood of kids and I really soak it up.

Wednesday was my best friend’s birthday!  Last year Brian turned 40 and we had a wonderful time making a big deal of it with family and friends.  This time we kept things a little lower key.  We hung around the house most of the day.  That evening was our regularly scheduled day to cook for the youth, so we did that (they sang to Brian) and then had game night with a pair of our most cherished friends.

Thursday we ran to Reno for some money-hemorrhaging fun.  We let the kids spend Christmas gift cards, went to a thrift store to beef up Brian’s and the kids’ wardrobes and had a special linner (like brunch) at Red Lobster.  Then we went to Winco. 

Oh. My. Goodness!  Brian has always called Winco hell on earth, so we haven’t gone in over a decade.  But the prices are so-so-so good and we are on a breathlessly tight budget until overtime checks start coming in.  I went to Winco with a girlfriend a few months ago and was floored by the prices.  But even better was that there wasn’t that oppressive atmosphere that makes even the best bargains not worth it.  People were friendly and smiling.  The place wasn’t packed.  It was a very pleasant experience.  So I thought the place had changed in the last decade and was excited to show Brian.

Well.  It seems there is a real difference between the 11th of the month at 10 am and the 2nd of the month at 5 pm.  Enter hell.  Screaming children, packed aisles, everyone wishing they were someplace else and expressing it in any number of ways.  And the real killer was that the receipt didn’t show the savings I’d experienced before.  I guess the store really makes its money off of everyone else’s payday. Honestly, my son was the most self-controlled and gracious person I saw in the whole store!  He was so sweet.  Anyhow, we survived and got out with only about 3/4 of the list finished. 

FRIDAY!  This was a great day.  I started with my normal Bible reading and then hit the ground running.  I don’t think I had a real sit down until about 9pm, when my darling husband gave me a wonderfully therapeutic foot rub.  What was I doing all day?  Well, the normal stuff: laundry, dishes and floor duties never end.  But we also made a bunch of finger foods and decorated for our first ever dance!  That’s right!  We cleared the family room of just about everything, strung streamers and hung balloons.  Some terrific friends joined us to make a truly unique evening of dancing and games so much fun.  We played Mafia for the first time in years, along with some other party games and had a dance competition.  I was so grateful that even the guys came all dressed up and showed us their moves.  Men who are willing to be uncool for their families are really the coolest men in the world, Amen?

Saturday I was sick.  It was really very nice!  I lay on the blow up mattress making friends with Nyquil.  I only did laundry and dishes, and ate leftovers from the dance.  I mean, if you have to be sick, that is the way to do it.

Sunday poor Brian took his turn feeling under the weather, which wasn’t the best, since it was Super Bowl Sunday and we had plans to hang out with friends.  We got him home right after the game, poured Nyquil down his gullet and locked him in the library.  The kids and I shoved the love seat into the family room and watched a few episodes of Voyager.  Oh, the other big event of Sunday was that those stinking dogs tore down the chicken wire and removed a slat from the neighbors fence and ran away!  How did they do that?  They are total poop-heads.

—TMI warning: so, I have met only three neighbors since moving to our new home.  All men, and all while I was breathless and bra-less.  Nice, huh?

Monday we took it pretty easy to be sure Brian’s healing stuck.  I got lots done on the computer, including badges ordered for our Frontier Girls, classes planned for more badge-earning fun and our taxes done.  Virtual high-five for me!!  Stupid dogs got out again, so Brian bought slats and a staple gun and declared he was going to laminate the entire fence.  Hopefully it will stay in place now.  If we ever get a dog again, it will be a dumb, smell-less (what is the equivalent word to blind?), timid, tiny thing that doesn’t leave my side.

We still have a couple of days left before Brian returns to work, but these are more-or-less normal days off.  Dance and Bible study are coming up around the corner.  School starts Friday! 

Focus

Here is another note I made while struggling with the losses that infused 2011 with such loss (and growth). 

Joshua 9:1 NASB, Joshua 10:1 NASB and Joshua 11:1 NASB

It is four am and I cannot sleep. I cannot stop thinking about a particular heartache. After wallowing for too long, I went to my Lord for solace and read today's passages in my plan.

Three chapters of battle. Three chapters of 'be strong and courageous.' Three chapters of the Lord leading utter destruction: nothing left alive.

What am I to take from this? How can I find true healing and lasting peace? I know it is not from imagining those who've hurt me as utterly destroyed before the Lord. They love Him, too. More importantly, He loves them.

But my God is just and no unrighteousness can stand before Him. I imagine it just withers into ash in the presence of His overwhelming glory in a way that blows the best special effects out of the water.

I must remember that my enemies are never people. Those who wish me harm are of the spirit world and the harm they seek is eternal. I cannot fight that on my own. I must be strong and courageous AND call on God to surround me with His heavenly host. Only He can save me now. And now three chapters of victory are beginning to sound pretty good.

Numbers don't matter! Bring on your five kings! Bring on more soldiers than there is sand on earth! This isn't my battle. It is His and He will win! He will destroy Jealousy, Hatred, Unforgiveness, Pride, Divisiveness, Heartache, Gossip, Coldness and other spirits of death.

This is a victory for which I long with the very core of my being. Lord, come and conquer all that strives to steal, kill and destroy! Open my eyes to the Truth of the battle and the reality of my enemy. Lift me up to salvation, clothed in white and wholly forgiven. Save me from subtle and distracting attacks. Let me stand blameless in your sight. In your only begotten Son's name. Amen.

She IS awesome…

The other day I was having some Mommy, Max and Madi time.  I thought we were going to hang out together on the blowup mattress in the library and chat.  My daughter had something else in mind.  She lay herself across the mattress, claiming it all (loudly) for herself.  I just grabbed a pillow, threw it on her belly, and lay down on it.  She struggled, trying to shove me not just off of her, but off the whole mattress. 

I was a little incredulous.  I stared at her as she pushed and kicked and grunted.  Finally, I scooped her up and set her down on the floor.  I mean, really…had she simply forgotten she can’t beat me??  She wasn’t done.  She clamored across my body, clawing to get back on the mattress.

I asked her, a little exasperated, ‘why do you think you are going to win this?’  She gleefully announced through her struggling, “Because. I. Am. Awesome!”

How do you argue with that? 

Peace

I have been going over my various devotional notes this week.  In anticipation of my husband’s vacation, I wanted to get a lead on my blog posts so that I could sleep in with him!   Here is a note I made last September, while going through some very painful trials.

 

John 21:22 NASB verses 18-23

Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to gird yourself and walk wherever you wished; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands and someone else will gird you, and bring you where you do not wish to go." Now this He said, signifying by what kind of death he would glorify God. And when He had spoken this, He *said to him, "Follow Me!"

Peter, turning around, *saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them; the one who also had leaned back on His bosom at the supper and said, "Lord, who is the one who betrays You?" So Peter seeing him *said to Jesus, "Lord, and what about this man?" Jesus *said to him, "If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow Me!" Therefore this saying went out among the brethren that that disciple would not die; yet Jesus did not say to him that he would not die, but only, "If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you?"

Oh, wow! This verse came to me while singing at church in answer to a struggle I have had all this year.

How are we to cope with fighting Christians? It burdens me that there are Christians with whom I simply cannot get along. I hate this. We are supposed to be united, peace loving, without contention. And yet, I can't change this and God hasn't yet changed it. This is.

I can almost fool myself into believing that I can just move on as a recovered or surviving 'victim.' But that belief never lasts more than a moment because I know these former friends love the Lord. More importantly, God loves THEM! How can I shake the dust from my feet with self righteousness in the face of that knowledge?

So I battle within myself, consumed with sorrow and fretfulness, less than I ought to be each day from this trial.

Then this verse came to me. Wow! What amazing peace has washed over me. It is not for me to struggle to make peace anymore. It is also not my job to reject them. It is only my job to follow my Lord! With my eyes on Him, I can 'hand over' this relationship and this person to Him.

I know all this, of course. But the idea of quarreling believers has really burdened me. I thought it was my responsibility to sort things out so that there was unity and peace. Now I think God has truly released me. God loves and plans for each of us. For reasons that certainly include sin, we have had a split. But the Lord works all things for good for those who love Him. His plan is complete and good. I just need to rest in His sufficient grace for today and do what He asks of me. The rest is honestly none of my business. Bliss!

Extravagance

Psalm 20:4-5 NASB

1 May the LORD answer you in the day of trouble!
May the name of the God of Jacob set you securely on high!

2 May He send you help from the sanctuary
And support you from Zion!

3 May He remember all your meal offerings
And find your burnt offering acceptable! Selah.

4 May He grant you your heart's desire
And fulfill all your counsel!

5 We will sing for joy over your victory,
And in the name of our God we will set up our banners.
May the LORD fulfill all your petitions.

6 Now I know that the LORD saves His anointed;
He will answer him from His holy heaven
With the saving strength of His right hand.

7 Some boast in chariots and some in horses,
But we will boast in the name of the LORD, our God.

8 They have bowed down and fallen,
But we have risen and stood upright.

9 Save, O LORD;
May the King answer us in the day we call.

These verses caught me off guard this morning. What exorbitance! How bold! My prayers aren't so grand. I find myself carefully praying words like, Your will, or Whatever You think is best.

I don't think there is anything wrong with praying such prayers of trust and submission, but the problem is that I know in my heart why I do it, and the heart is what matters. It is my own faithlessness that keeps me from asking for the desires of my heart. In swinging away from the 'name it and claim it' and 'prosperity Gospel,' I have become fearful of my own desires and God's willingness to answer them.

A while ago I realized that I prayed in a way to essentially 'protect' God as though I were akin to his PR rep to myself. So that He wouldn't disappoint me, I kept my prayer requests light and vague. I never doubt His ability to go big, but doubted His willingness to go big FOR ME.

These verses are going big. There are no Sunday School messages attached to the blessings, striving to remind us of all the caveats that come with having the desire of our hearts fulfilled. No reminder to line up that desire with His will. No caution to be mindful that 'these things take time.' No wise teaching about how God answers all prayers, be it with a yes, wait or no.

It is just an extravagant blessing. No holds barred. The Psalmist spoke with confidence and wide open hands. It is amazing!

Not exactly the day I’d planned, but I’m not the one who directs my steps!

Last Wednesday my darling husband was out of town visiting his brother.  Knowing he’d be out of town, I planned on schooling the whole day.  Wednesdays for us are equivalent to normal-people-Sundays, and we tend to take it easy and just hang out without having too heavy an agenda for the day.  It is our regular day of rest.

But I knew Brian would be off all this week, which means no school, so I wanted to get lots of school done while he was gone for a week, even if that meant schooling on a regular day off. 

It didn’t quite happen that way.  The day prior, we had gone sledding with friends, then had this electrical freak-out of the house’s circuit breakers.  A friend came over to save us and we hung out a while (such a blessed time!).  That put us to bed later than usual after a day on the mountain, so we slept in a little late.  No problem, I thought, since we weren’t up against any time constraints.  We would just school late, end late and still have plenty of free time in the evening.

But then the dogs came in from the backyard covered in mud, which required emergency baths.  Then Madi had a cry over owning only three pairs of pants and a couple of sweaters.  Then I needed to run to the old house to see if a package was there… All of that pretty much blew our morning.

Instead of forcing a school day, we ran with what we had.  Madi got in some sewing (patches on tired jeans to stretch her and her brother’s wardrobes a bit).  Max got to do some creating with his Legos. We ran to the store to get stamps for some letter writing. And we bought peanut M&Ms as a total splurge for a Mommy-Max-and-Madi movie night.

So, no learning about knights or daimyos, but that is ok.  It’ll come.

Birthday Boy! A-hem…I mean, MAN

Today is my hero’s birthday!  Oh, how blessed I am to even know such a wonderful man.  But I don’t just know him; I get to call him friend, partner, husband, hero.  When I met Brian, he was so cute!  His laugh was to die for.  And his relaxed, go-for-anything attitude was just what my tense-fearful attitude needed.

I was smitten immediately, even in my distracted state.  But friends had told him I was damaged and to stay away.  I couldn’t blame him for listening, so I worked to keep my feelings in check. 

Over on my side of things, my older sister insisted that Brian had been nothing less than prayed into my life by her, thank her very much!  I didn’t dare hope.

But we did come together and have grown together and enjoyed adventures together so completely that I have a hard time remembering he hasn’t always been alongside me in life.  I have infused him into my memories of events that happened before we met and am shocked when he can’t remember them.  Seriously, how blessed am I to be with someone who tolerates such insanity with a loving smile and kiss on my forehead?

Brian is 41 today.  I love him with all my heart.  Today our love is deeper and richer than when we first met.  More trials will come.  More fights will happen.  But I pray that they bring us ever closer so that our love today pales in comparison to our future.

I love you, Old Man!