Here is another note I made while struggling with the losses that infused 2011 with such loss (and growth).
It is four am and I cannot sleep. I cannot stop thinking about a particular heartache. After wallowing for too long, I went to my Lord for solace and read today's passages in my plan.
Three chapters of battle. Three chapters of 'be strong and courageous.' Three chapters of the Lord leading utter destruction: nothing left alive.
What am I to take from this? How can I find true healing and lasting peace? I know it is not from imagining those who've hurt me as utterly destroyed before the Lord. They love Him, too. More importantly, He loves them.
But my God is just and no unrighteousness can stand before Him. I imagine it just withers into ash in the presence of His overwhelming glory in a way that blows the best special effects out of the water.
I must remember that my enemies are never people. Those who wish me harm are of the spirit world and the harm they seek is eternal. I cannot fight that on my own. I must be strong and courageous AND call on God to surround me with His heavenly host. Only He can save me now. And now three chapters of victory are beginning to sound pretty good.
Numbers don't matter! Bring on your five kings! Bring on more soldiers than there is sand on earth! This isn't my battle. It is His and He will win! He will destroy Jealousy, Hatred, Unforgiveness, Pride, Divisiveness, Heartache, Gossip, Coldness and other spirits of death.
This is a victory for which I long with the very core of my being. Lord, come and conquer all that strives to steal, kill and destroy! Open my eyes to the Truth of the battle and the reality of my enemy. Lift me up to salvation, clothed in white and wholly forgiven. Save me from subtle and distracting attacks. Let me stand blameless in your sight. In your only begotten Son's name. Amen.