I am not sure there is another fine, Christian, conservative, homeschooling family who talks about sex as often as we do! I hope there are, but I am not sure!
Yesterday we began our school day as always, praying for families we love. As a result, we got into a long conversation that began with my explaining the complexity of adoption. I told the kids that there are several reasons why someone may be adopted--they are orphaned, abandoned or the government has decided the care they are currently receiving is not good enough. It is this last scenario that is the most complicated.
We talked about the parent who is losing their child. We talked about how God made everyone in the situation, and while a decision must be made, we must pray with loving compassion for all involved--there are no bad guys.
My boy said he understood why things are so involved when there is a parent fighting to keep her child, but he said he didn't understand why people aren't allowed to just grab orphans and bring them into the family with a lot less fuss. I explained that there are people who would want to grab them, but not to love them and give them a bright future in the Lord.
My boy's other concern was HOW could ANYONE just leave their child. This one completely stumped him. Enter our family's apparently favorite topic!! I talked about how many people call having a child is starting the family. That mindset shows that we have (1) put a whole lot of pressure on a little person who herself depends on others for everything of life (2) nearly abandoned the idea that family begins with two people joining together in marriage. Because many children are conceived without already belonging to a family, there is not the support or structure to help with the pressures that come with caring for a new person. As a result, people give up and walk away. especially young men, since they carry in their body no consequence, leaving a child before she is even born can seem like the easiest thing to do.
My boy said he'd never walk away. I told him that if he decided to have sex with someone before marriage, the choice may not be up to him. If he joins with a girl who knows sex outside of marriage is a sin, she may prefer abortion over telling her parents.
The conversation continued--it really is a conversation, with both kids talking as much as I do. we talked about how it is possible to get pregnant the first time you have sex, but also it is possible to not get pregnant or sick even if you do it 4000 times! (I can hear friends gasping whenever I have these conversations! lol)
I quickly told them that pregnancy and sickness aren't the only things that can happen with sex, though. there are things that happen each and every time we have sex: we give ourselves, and we make memories. We talked about how when we go to McDonald's, we have memories of being there with other family and friends. When they are there with good friends, they will tell stories of being there with cousins, and vice versa. the same is true with sex. If you have had it with one person, and then on your wedding night, you are with your new partner, there is someone else there with you in bed who does not belong. This is a painful reality that you cannot take back. There is only one first. You have only one body. And the greatest gift to give your dh or dw is to offer that gift with no other memories, pure and untouched on your wedding night.
See? I only corrupt them a little! :)