Feeling like a fool

Man, yesterday morning started out so well.  I shoveled the driveway alongside my husband, washed all the bedding (snow-melt+dogs=muddy beds), had our bed made before he got home from work, schooled the kids butts’ off and even remembered lunch!

I saw that we had a small berm from the street plow, so I ran out to take care of it before Brian got home.  I looked at the house across the street, and their place wasn’t shoveled, so I 10-second-ruled myself over there.  Only after I got started did I see that they actually have three driveways.  I knew there was no point in doing it unless I did it all, so I kicked it into gear, knowing my husband was already on his way home.  I was hoping to finish before running into anyone, even Brian.

Well, by the time I had shoveled over 3/4 of all three driveways the owner of the house came out.  I said hi, he said hi.  I said, ‘how are you?’ Then he looked at me through his brow and asked, ‘who are you?’  I pointed across the street and said that I was his new neighbor.  He said, ‘you really don’t have to do this.  We have a snow plow and I already checked the weather and knew it would all melt off today.  Is this your first time in the snow?’ (I rather sheepishly told him that we have lived here for over 12 years.)

I felt like an idiot.  To make matters fully embarrassing, I was not dressed particularly well, had on no makeup and my bangs were all flooey, made more flooey by the drizzle that had started up while I was working.  My husband had come home while I was shoveling, and just went inside, so I didn’t know what he was doing.  Thankfully, he eventually came out and introduced himself.  After the men chatted a bit, we said goodbye and walked back to the house.  Brian looked at me and said, ‘didn’t you ask?’  When I said that I hadn’t, he said, ‘shouldn’t you ask before you do something like that?  You might offend someone.’

Hearing that sort of sent me into a tailspin because I was thinking exactly that while shoveling.  I was worried about getting caught.  I was nervous that I was doing it wrong somehow.  But I also thought I was doing a good thing.  Then we came into the house and the un-bathed dogs were on the newly made bed.  I couldn’t get to the bathroom fast enough to have a good cry.  Sometimes I am such a girl and my emotions can ruin a perfectly good day.

I was ashamed that I was behaving as I was, because I knew that if the neighbor’s reaction was at all important to me, than my motivation wasn’t as pure as I thought it had been.  I hate being constantly confronted with my pride.  I can’t seem to escape it.  I felt so ugly inside and out.

After a shower, prayer, time with my mah-velous man and a little rest, I felt better.  I know I obeyed God.  It didn’t turn out how I expected, but we did meet a neighbor.  He might think I am stupid, but at least we didn’t meet because of naughty dogs or something!