Monday, November 8, 2010

Finding my Groove

Don’t think about elephants!

This has been a tough school year for me.  There is no reason for it, either, which has made my struggle all the more galling.  I have been eagerly anticipating our study subject (Eastern Hemisphere, using Sonlight’s Core 5), and have spent more time planning the delivery of lessons than I ever have before.  I knew the level at which we would be working would be more difficult for my daughter, so I had planned fun, fun, fun to be sure lessons would have the best chance possible at taking root.

What about those elephants?  Have you heard of that phenomenon?  Your told to not think about it, so it becomes all you can think about?  You do the opposite of what you are told.  I think I did that to myself with this year.  I think I said over and over to myself, ‘We are going to have fun!!’  *Sigh*  I have not been having so much fun.  Everything is great, and I can’t seem to relax. 

Well, praise the Lord for the Lord, right?  He is there whenever we need Him, and He is alongside me now.  I have prayed, and cried and talked with trusted people in my life, trying to sort out the problem.  And I have relaxed…

Today my husband called me to let me know he was going to be working overtime.  We were in the middle of science and we were laughing and teasing.  I heard myself, as though I weren’t me, and heard that I was laughing.  The realization hit me almost physically.  As I was processing it, my husband said, “I wish I were home.  You all sound like you are having so much fun!”  We were!  We were having fun!

I think I finally stopped worrying about making things fun and just started being, then the fun found us.  I feel like I can take a full breath again after a long chest cold.  God is good.

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