I know that everybody dreams. So many people I know don't remember any of theirs and even claim to not dream. I have always been able to remember many of my dreams, and my memories are very vivid. Most of the time I like this. I often try to stay awake just a little longer so I can hold on or finish a particularly intriguing dream.
But last night!! First, I can remember a bunch of dreams, and they all were so uncomfortable. In one I couldn't remember what my dh looked like! In another, everyone was waiting on me and I couldn't find matching shoes. Then my dog kept escaping and I felt so inadequate in making her behave, keeping her harness on, or getting her into the crate.
In another I had gone to all this work setting up for a recital--not something I ever do--where the girls would change their clothes. The one truly in charge had things set up entirely different. I am even embarrassed to write about that, because it was so audacious for me to go around setting up for something I had no business doing.
In my dreams last night, there were so many random people from my past. I was back at the church I'd attended in Folsom and working. A man from that time had carved two wooden signs welcoming me back from maternity leave. It was so bizarre, but I just felt hot with anger. I hadn't had a baby, and hadn't been on a break; I'd been working the whole time, but just in another area or something. I kicked the sign over--like an overgrown baby!
Am I working through feeling inferior, or what?? On mornings like these, I find myself lingering in bed, not to hold on or extend a dream, but in a daze. I don't feel like I actually slept or rested at all. The whole night felt like a wrestling match. I am worn and feeling ashamed.
Blech!
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